My Culture Clash

I know what you're thinking. Two blogs in just as many days, is it even possible. Well, I assure you that it won't become a habit. But I experienced something so wonderfully entertaining that I thought I should, nay, I felt compelled to share with you.

Last Friday evening, I took my beautiful bride of ten years, three weeks and five days to the Hollywood Bowl to see the world renowned and academy award winning composer John Williams conduct the L.A. Philharmonic Orchestra. The theme of the show was "The Music of the Movies". It was a wonderful delight. John Williams was engaging and incredibly talented. The Concert Mistress was exceptional and her violin solo in the theme to Fiddler on the Roof was nothing short of brilliant. I was completely inundated with culture.

I am not opposed to culture. I just don't find it as entertaining as some people do. But this was spectacular. Even though I am not a musical person in the strictest sense (I don't play an instrument or even read music for that matter), I was able to appreciate the difficulty of the performance before me.

But that isn't what I wanted to share with you today. I would rather instead share with you the counter-culture. I knew going into this that there was going to be some people here that I, under normal circumstances, wouldn't spend time with. But I was woefully unprepared for the experience with which I was confronted. I am a fan of the movies. I loved to be entertained. I love to entertain. I would have loved to be an actor and take any chance I get to be one (which usually means Church Christmas plays and the annual comedy night fundraiser I used to run as the youth pastor). But while I am a fan, I am not fanatical.

One of the souvenirs you could purchase was a light saber. They were available because John Williams, of course, wrote the music for Star Wars. But the people I saw weren't going to waste their money on those. Not because of some sense of fiscal responsibility, but because of a lack of authenticity. That's right, they weren't real enough. As we milled about in the lines for entrance and snacks, I noticed an incredibly high number of people with their very own light sabers. Some had the ones you build yourself at Disneyland or some other star wars shoppe. But some had very expensive looking replicas. I laughed to myself because I thought it was a little comical, not that they owned those things, but that they brought them. But those people were the sanest ones of the bunch.

As we progressed toward our seats, I saw a woman with a t-shirt on that had the picture of a woman's body decked out in the Princess Leia/Jabba's palace prisoner outfit. She had her hair done up in the same way that Leia did in the Return of the Jedi. The guy with her (who I can only assume was a relative or gay) was wearing a t-shirt that resembled Darth Vader's breastplate complete with light up panel and glowing tubes running over it. I thought okay, the light saber was cute but that this was over doing it a bit. They didn't prove to be the craziest of the bunch.

Then I saw a guy dressed just like Indiana Jones. I thought that was too far. However, I rationalized in my mind that I also own a pair of khaki pants and a white shirt and while I possess neither the hat nor the satchel, it wasn't unreasonable to think that someone may own these things separately and threw them together as a laugh. But this was just the tip of the weird iceberg.

I then saw a guy who defied rational thought. He was dressed as a "Padawan apprentice" (if I misspelled that-I am glad I don't know its proper spelling and couldn't care less). If you are going to dress up as a movie character, how low must your self esteem be if you are willing to be the guy who doesn't have any cool powers or know anything? That just screamed pathetic to me. But this guy wasn't even the worst.

While one of the three Star Wars songs was being played that night some guy dressed up like a storm trooper jumped up in the aisle and began to dance up and down the stairs. He was comical and entertaining but I thought it was appropriate for him since he no doubt was laughed at a lot when he was a child (which he probably still is, at least maturity-wise). But this guy still wasn't the main attraction.

No that spot is reserved for the guy who showed up in a complete Jedi outfit. From the boots to the belt to the long grown out hair (a la Liam Neeson's Qui-Gon Jinn-again if I misspelled, I don't care). But the piece de resistance was his hand made custom light saber. I have read a Star Wars book or two (I'm not drinking the kool-aid, I just enjoy good FICTION!) and I learned that part of a Jedi's final training is building his own light saber. I have no doubt that this is exactly what this guy did. The best part was how he stood at perfect attention, light saber in hand and held perfectly straight in front of him. The devotion and reverence which he displayed would lead one to believe that John Williams was at the very heart of the rebel alliance.

I laughed within myself and out loud on quite a few occasions as the ridiculousness struck me repeatedly like a speeder cruising over a womp rat. But the thought that struck me the funniest and what I will leave you with now, is this: Between all of the Star Wars geeks, err...fans and the gay guys that flock to musicals like the "salmon of Capistrano", I was very confident that I was one of the only guys in that entire crowd who has actually kissed a girl!