My Cruising Musing: Day Two

Day Two:
This is our first day at sea. We will not be docking today. We took advantage of this relaxing day with nothing scheduled and slept in. It is extremely easy to sleep in when you have an interior room. I’ve heard the expression “it’s so dark you can’t see your hand in front of your face,” but I’ve never actually experienced it until now. Our room is so dark with the lights off that there is no way of knowing what time of day it is. It seems really weird for it to be 9:30 in the morning but feel like it could still be 3:30 am.
So with nothing scheduled today, I set about to find someone whom I was willing to allow in my life boat. I could find no man. Instead I found plenty of people I was willing to set adrift. You know that commercial with the guy walking down the street while some upbeat music plays-the top half of his body is still but his legs are all over the place? Well, there is a kid walking up and down the promenade who fancies himself like that commercial. As he walks he moves his body (arms mostly) to some imaginary beat that only he can hear. Part of me feels sorry for this kid because he is here on a cruise with his parents and apparently he is an only child forced to entertain himself. The other part of me realizes that there are plenty of things to do and for someone who tries so desperately to be noticed (albeit a feeble attempt) he goes about it in all the wrong ways. Instead of grooving your way up and down the promenade waiting for Russell Simmons to recognize you and put you in a music video, why don’t you go to one of the plethora of activities that are geared for and overflowing with kids your age and make a friend or two. Here’s hoping that all those nifty dance moves help you tread water longer.
There was a three on three basketball tournament today. I was in need of a little exercise so I thought I might run a little bit with the big boys. I got there early to work on my game. Instead of an hour early I should have come a year early but I doubt I would have been any more ready. I signed up and got placed on a team with an older guy with a bad knee and no hands, and a younger guy with a couple of 1 carat cubic zirconium earrings (which really tells you all you need to know about him). They sent us to the court to warm up and shoot around. This is really a waste of time. All that happens during these shoot arounds is that bad players show how bad they are but blame it on a different court/rim/ball then they’re used to using, and the good players just thoroughly intimidate the marginal players like me.
My team was up first and we went to the court to meet our opponents. The shortest guy on their team stood two inches taller than me. The guy that I had to defend was 6’5” and massive. He was also one of the good players. I was as intimidated as a freshman on his first day in gym class. Trying not to show it, I stepped on to the court and took my position next to Goliath. The ball was tossed in and the game was under way. I was certain of one thing: My guy may score all the points for his team but he was going to have to do it as far away from the basket as I could push him. I hustled and pushed and he wasn’t sure what to expect. I ended up holding my own against him for a while. I even scored one really nice basket that generated “oohs” from the crowd and stunned looks on the faces of my opponents and team mates. But then the Big Friendly Giant realized that even when I jump and wave my hands he can still see the basket clearly. He sank a couple of threes and the game was over like that. He was a little bruised and broken but he was a good sport about it so I will happily allow him into my life boat.
Tonight was the first formal dining evening. I would at this point like to offer a life jacket and a life saver (not a life boat) to all the people who have no idea what the word “formal” means. Please allow me to define it as follows: Formal Wear-Men should wear Suits with a shirt and tie (tuxedos are acceptable), Ladies should either wear a dress or skirt. Now you may not agree with me on this one, but I don’t really care whether you do or don’t (if you haven’t figured out by now that I don’t need your validation to express my opinions then you just haven’t been paying attention). I don’t think it is asking too much for people to dress up once in a while, and I mean dress up. Even if you are a “jeans and t-shirt” kind of person-a collared shirt and nice jeans is NOT dressing up. Some of you troglodytes may be thinking, “To me that is dressing up.” Guys, how big of a baby do you have to be if you can’t wear a suit and tie once in a while. No one’s asking you to run a marathon or change out the flywheel on a ’71 Chevy Chevelle, just walk around with your lady for a while and sit down to a fine dinner. So for all of you Neanderthals, who can’t bring yourself to look nice even for your beloved, be prepared to jump ship in the event of an emergency because you aren’t getting on my boat. Hey, I’ll even let you wear a t-shirt and jeans, sharks are far more accommodating that way. Babies!
I also wish to set all old women adrift. Not because I believe in casting aside unwanted members of society (okay I do but it has nothing to do with their age) but because they think that a pair of slacks and a blouse with a garish number of sequins on it constitutes formal attire. It does not! You just look like a fancy crossing guard with your reflective shirt. Also, try using about a gallon less of whatever industrial strength perfume you bathe in so as not to give anyone within a 5 mile radius an instant headache. It’s particularly pungent when you step into an elevator in which one of these olfactory assailants has been riding.
Bon Voyage old gals, the good news is that I understand that sharks have a highly developed sense of smell and that should keep you safe. On the other hand it may also kill every fish around you.