My Disneyland Trip

First, I want to state that this is in no way designed to be a slight against Disneyland. I love it. I enjoy myself every time I go. I wouldn’t shell out the dough for season passes if I was miserable the entire time I was there.
That being said, I have a few issues I would like to discuss concerning the “happiest place on earth”. The first thing you are faced with when arriving is the Disneyland Parking Lot Attendant. To say that these people take their job seriously is an understatement. They tell you exactly where you will park and when you will park there. They are very similar in nature to the School Crossing Guard. There is not a fiercer and more aggressive group of mother bears than these people. With their reflective jackets and handheld stop signs, they dictate the flow of traffic like little Mussolinis. Just slightly less feral is the Disneyland Parking Lot attendant. I am not sure what would happen if you were to defy one of them. I imagine that the reaction would not be unlike that of the Corleone Family, swift and severe.
The next issue with which I would like to take umbrage deals with those cute little Mickey and Minnie Mouse Ear Hats. I firmly believe that there should be an age limit imposed when it comes to who is allowed to wear those little beauties. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing a little girl zonked out in a stroller with her pigtails poking out of a Minnie Hat, and who doesn’t love to see a little boy strolling down Main Street with his hands in his shorts pockets, a Goofy shirt and a Mickey Hat donning his little head. What I think is ridiculous is when a grown man is wearing a pair. The most egregious offenders of this pet peeve are Chinese 20-somethings. I’m not sure if it is a rite of passage there or what but it seems like the majority are wearing them. Maybe it’s just on all of their bucket lists. Much like a bartender cutting off a louse who’s tossed back one too many, the park employees need to stop anyone old enough to do long division from purchasing them.
Which brings me to my last point; Merchandising and Marketing. I am a capitalist through and through, but I don’t believe that just because “somebody will pay money for it”, is a good enough reason to produce and sell something. No one does marketing quite like the Disney machine. Their merchandise and other products far outsell the films and attractions with which they are associated. Walt Disney was out to make a buck. (I don’t say that to disparage the man, it’s simply the truth. If it weren’t, then Disneyland would cost exactly enough to cover the money to keep it running.) But I am sure even he would drawback in horror at the things that are being sold. I have never been a fan of women wearing pants with things written across the caboose. No one should wear them but there are definitely some women who have no business drawing more attention to their considerable acreage. I am certain that Disney would faint dead away if he knew that there was some girl right now, with extremely large legs that blend into cankles, all stemming from a corpulent derriere with “Mickey” stenciled across it in size 5500 font trolling around his park. Again, just because someone is willing to pay $49.99 ($10 more for plus sizes) doesn’t mean that you should sell it to them. Please exercise a little discipline.
All that being said, I thoroughly enjoyed my day with my family. It is always a delight to see my son, Bryce, light up as we go through “It’s a Small World”, to watch people as they dodge out of the way of Henry as he races out of control across the concourse dividing the two parks. That is why I have gone and will continue to go. That and I really love Tower of Terror.