My Soccer Story

I would like to start off by saying that I hate soccer. You may think that hate is a strong word, but I assure you it is an accurate word. I hate soccer-I really do. I don't have a personal reason to hate soccer. It never "wronged" me. It didn't push me down in kindergarten or make fun of me in middle school. I just think it is a stupid sport.
I don't get the attraction. Running all out for 90 minutes with a very real chance of not scoring any points at all just seems to me like an effort in futility. If I wanted to run that much, which I don't, (a revelation that probably surprises no one!) I would run a half marathon. I probably wouldn't finish it in 90 minutes or without some type of mechanized conveyance but at least I would have something to show for it at the end. I'm pretty sure every participant gets a ribbon of some kind. At the very least you get to keep the fancy number sign they give you to pin to the front of your clothes. Plus they have all of those water stops. Soccer-you just run around a small area, get kicked in the shins a hundred times and look stupid whenever the ball does come to you and you misjudge the distance and whiff so hard you fall over.

I have heard the legends of how all the great sports were started, but I have never heard how (or why for that matter) soccer began. I imagine that it all began when a couple of phys. ed. drop outs got too tired or bored to watch their P.E. class so they devised a way to keep their charges in a confined area whilst simultaneously bringing them to the point of sheer exhaustion. As their slacker minds began to whirl they drew a large square in a field, threw in a ball and voila, you have the bane of society. I say all of that in order to set the record straight from the beginning. I hate soccer and so my commentary on the sport is going to be seriously biased. I don't wish to conceal that fact or mislead anyone in any way. So you may wonder how I found myself at a soccer game the other day. Well, you see besides being a soccer-hater, I am also a Youth Pastor and one of my responsibilities is attending various sporting events, a task which I rather enjoy.
This day I found myself at a small park following a couple of my teenage girls around the pitch (why they can't just call it a field like football and baseball I'll never know). Now these girls did an excellent job and I am proud of the way they handled themselves on the field. I am not here to rip them for playing a dumb sport. I wouldn't do that to my teenagers. No, the problem I have with the game I was watching had everything to do with the stupidity of the opposing coach and his team.

Apparently, there was one really good player on the other team. As a matter of fact, he was very accomplished. I learned that he plays on his high school varsity soccer team, and also plays club ball. I am familiar with what varsity represents, and I have to guess that playing club ball means something similar. At any rate, he was an excellent soccer player (which to me is the same as being an excellent paper airplane-folder. A talent to be sure but not one which will serve you well beyond the third grade). Anyway, here was this very good player in the same game as a bunch of girls and boys who were not horrible but definitely inexperienced. It was quite ridiculous. When I arrived late in the first half, he was playing the position of goalie. What I mean to say is that he had on the goalie gloves and special yellow shirt. He was not, however, anywhere near the goalie box. He was all the way forward. He was a one man team and he was in there pushing around the kids and scoring goals left and right.
When the second half rolled around he gave up the yellow jersey and all pretense that he was holding back any part of his game. He would dribble the ball around the lesser players and score a goal. All the while his team's parents were cheering him on wildly. They were whistling and hooting and hollering like he was accomplishing some great task. He not only (with the apparent approval of his coach) ran the score up on the other team but he demoralized them as well. This is a practice that is acceptable in the pros. They get paid to play and I feel if you can defeat them utterly then go right ahead. But in a kids' league game with a sign posted that admonishes people to remember that this league is all about fun, he should have not been allowed to be on the field with them. If you want a good idea of how ridiculous this spectacle was then just try envisioning Kobe Bryant showing up to a high school game and just going to town dunking over kids and swatting their shots out of the gym, all while Phil Jackson whoops and cheers him on. It was that stupid. One of the parents on our side called out to the kid and told him to let the rest of the kids play. His reply was that he "played to win". This is one of the things I find wrong with the entire sport. You don't see high school baseball players tearing it up in little league, and you won't find varsity football players destroying fools in pop warner.
The parents and the coach should be ashamed of themselves for not only allowing this to happen but encouraging this behavior. If it really is about the kids, why would you let someone ruin the game for them?

I will never be a fan of soccer. I don't say that you have to agree. I won't think less of you if you like it (I'll try not to anyway). If you are a fan and ever desire for it to be anything other than the brunt of jokes and a bad excuse to have orange slices and capri suns, then I suggest you govern it better and not let these things happen.